The George In My Head…

I loved Seinfeld for many reasons…still enjoy the re-runs, my “Ultimate Seinfeld DVD Collection” and drinking from my Vandelay Industries travel coffee mug.  George Constanza is my hero-probably for many of the same reasons I admire Fran Lebowitz so much.  Two people who say whatever they’re thinking…no holds barred.  Although the rational part of my brain understands that one simply cannot go through life without censoring themselves, there are times when I notice that the “George” in my head is almost too hard to ignore.  In fact, lately, he has almost taken on a life of his own.  Here are some recent examples of situations I have encountered where George has been on the verge of breaking through. 

1.  At the dentist for the third part of a “simple” root canal. 

Dentist:  I don’t understand why you’re still having pain…you shouldn’t be. 
Amanda: I know…funny isn’t it?
George:  I SHOULDN’T be???  What do you mean, I SHOULDN’T be?  Are you calling me a liar?  How about you just shut up and fix it?

2. On returning to work from having my third baby.

Co-Worker:  Wow…you’re back from maternity leave early aren’t you? Probably needed a break.  Must be nice to be back to work isn’t it?
Amanda: Yes…it is nice.
George:  Yeah…it’s just great!  Love leaving my infant at home to come here to work like a dog for 12 hours. 

3.  Oldest daughter eats several of the items I had been saving to pack for my work lunches.

Daughter: I didn’t know that you were saving that Mom.  Thought it was for anyone to eat.
Amanda:  No worries-I can get more at the grocery store.
George:  You do realize that I work 12 hour shifts and was wasting away to nothing by the end of it?  I gave birth to you and this is how you treat me-take away the only form of nourishment I had available?

4.  Calling to book an appointment with no availability for the next month.

Receptionist:  So sorry about this-(blank) is on vacation for the next several weeks.  I can’t fit you in until the end of August.
Amanda:  No problem.  I can wait.
George:  Vacation?  Oh yeah…that’s just fine.  Maybe by the time (blank) decides to come back to work my spine will be protruding out my hip.

5.  Small talk during a recent appointment.

Assistant:  I had both of my children naturally.  Can’t believe that anyone would ever choose drugs during labor. 
Amanda:  Wow…good for you!  That is certainly an accomplishment!
George:  So where’s your medal?  Oh…what’s that?  You didn’t get one?  Didn’t think so.

6.  Taking slightly overweight dog to the groomer.

Groomer:  Oh my Lord!  He’s put on a few!  “Chuckie-you’re getting fat buddy!”
Amanda:  Well, I have been trying to walk him more.
George:  Fat?  When was the last time you looked in the mirror Jennifer Aniston?  Don’t know if you noticed the three kids here, but…um…yeah…I’m a little busy.  And don’t you know that fur is deceiving?

Ironically, I struggle with saying what I really think most times-even though the voice of George is readily available.  My filter is not only on, it is functioning at peak levels.  So much so that I will often fester about things unnecessarily when it would be very simple to politely say something.  We all have these moments though-the key is finding the balance between George and Amanda. 



 

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