Month: October 2014

My Sky Full Of Stars…

Love yourself first

Love yourself unconditionally

You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself

Love

I’ve heard these phrases and the word “love” probably, oh, a billion times in my 38 years.  I have said them, offered them as advice to people and expressed them to my husband, my children and my family.  I thought I understood what I was conveying when these words left my mouth.  I didn’t.  To be clear, I expressed love to the level that I was capable of…coming from a very constricted and protected view point.  When you have hardened your heart to the point of a nice, shiny exterior, nothing can penetrate very far.  Emotions come from a holding tank of sorts-not from the tender part of your soul.  You say things and perform actions out of habit, fear and desire to conform to a certain ideal of what kind of a person you “think” you should be.  You’re operating on ego alone…opting to bury your soul so deep that you begin to forget…

Forget what it feels like to just be overcome with feelings.  To let yourself go.  To look into another person’s eyes and be so moved with joy and love.  To be silent with yourself…or with a group of people, and be so vulnerable that there is nothing but understanding and compassion.  And finally, finally feel in yourself your true nature-your essence.

My week in California with my fellow meditation teachers in training was an experience in falling in love.  There are so many facets of love-romantic, family, friend etc.  Underneath this all is the love you return to that is innately yours-and has always been.  Like energy, it can’t be destroyed-although we often try our hardest to bury it, forget it, change it and run away from it.  I realized that I had blurred everything about love simply what I chose to grab onto from experiences that I have had in my life.  My filter was really skewed.

It’s brilliant how a group of 16 people can come together from all over the world with a common intent-to learn to teach something.  And when they are brought together, synchronistically, they illuminate you enough that you can begin to see everything.  Your darkness, your light and everything in between.  The vice starts to ease up on your heart and then you are suddenly seeing beauty everywhere-but, really, you are only seeing yourself.  Everything you have chosen to look away from for as long as you can remember.  Gazing into people’s eyes becomes thrilling…because you are there too.  We are all the same behind the mask.

Early on in my course I had emailed my teacher about an issue I was wrestling with-his advice?  Be the light.  I didn’t get it.  How could I be the light?  There was nothing bright about me-and I was upset about something so I wasn’t up for “being the light”.  While away, I was having a conversation with him, and he looked at me and said “you are a divine light in this world”.  Then the dam broke.

We all are the divine light-we all are interconnected to the point that each one of us is the necessary part of the puzzle to highlight someone else’s journey.  All at once you see yourself purely-not burdened down by the stuff you have accumulated from life.  And you begin to access a love that you haven’t experienced in awhile.  It’s comfortable…and you know it well.  And this love does make your experiences richer because you are losing your fear.  Losing something just means you are making room for something else-more of what you want instead of what you are trying to barricade yourself with.

I am so grateful to have connected with my Sky Full Of Stars.  Every interaction, every conversation and every exchange of energy was pure and exactly what I needed in that moment.  It’s only in the darkness that the stars can shine so brilliantly-in the daylight we take them for granted.

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