I love words. And I love to use words, write words and read words. I have this deep seated desire to always ensure that people understand EXACTLY what I’m trying to say. And I think that sometimes that means that I say too much. In trying to convey the essence of it, I lose some of it in the transmission. I’ve known this about myself for a very long time. In school, teachers would make huge red slashes through entire sections of essays I would write…often with the words “NOT NECESSARY” or “CUT THIS”. Maybe it’s a fear of saying the wrong thing. Or the worry that I will somehow miss saying the one thing that I think is vital and it goes unexpressed forever (oh, the horror!!). Then again, maybe its just a knowing that, sometimes, there are no words.
If it is possible, live an experience and don’t fix it with any words, because that will make it narrow”~Osho
When you think about different moments in your life that have left their imprint on your soul, how could you describe those situations to someone? What words could possibly come together to express the moment you knew that you were falling in love…or how that even happens? Try explaining to someone WHY you love the person that you do-or how it feels when they take your hand in theirs.
Try to find the words to describe how you felt at a time in your life when you were absolutely paralyzed with fear. Or sick. Or so unbelievably happy that the joy you were feeling was surging up through your body uncontrollably. Maybe how you feel when you see a sunset or are laughing so hard you have tears rolling down your cheeks.
It really is completely about perception.
Two people can be in love and describe entirely different experiences about each other and their feelings. Six people can watch the sunrise and explain how it affected them in 6 different ways. Therein lies the both the beauty and angst of communication and experiences. It is the realization that no one person will ever completely understand something the way you do.
I’m realizing that this is what often what nags at me when I’m in situations of trying to explain myself or accurately capture something for someone else. There’s that insatiable part of me that is determined for them to get the exact experience I have had…to feel it. And that could be why I love words so much. Over the years I have had to get really creative with expressing myself as a way of wanting to be understood.
The thing is…no one can see my heart. No one can see my soul. People may see glimpses of different things that have combined to make up who I am. Yet no one really knows what those experiences have been that have shaped me. And maybe it’s about just accepting that we all have that “secret garden” in our soul that is just ours and doesn’t have to be explained or dissected. Because there really are no words for that.
**I looked out the window and saw this while I was in California. It made me want to cry it was so beautiful. An amazing teacher, Tom Kelly, had said earlier that day “where the water meets the horizon is where you will find me”.
But to anyone else, it might seem like a sunset anywhere in the world.